Thursday, December 28, 2017

Goodbye 2017

2017 was my year. My year for cutting off dead ends and dropping dead weight. I do feel lighter but there were a couple relationships I had to let go that were not easy to cut lose at all. It was painful actually. There are still remnants of pain for the loss but I know it's for the best..

2017 was very eye opening for me, but not just about the people I was associating with. I, took a look inside myself. I am 32 years old. Somewhere in those 32 years, I lost myself and allowed my dreams to die. When God created me, he spun me with vibrant fibers of creativity. Music runs through my veins. I see the beauty in everything I see. But year by year, corporate job by corporate job, my light got dimmer. My dreams weren't as exciting and I became deathly comfortable in my day to day routine of clock in/clock out. I lost my desire to make my unique mark in this world and accepted the idea of blending in with the masses.

Will Smith once said that being realistic is the ultimate dream killer. No one who ever made a mark in this world did it by being realistic. "Building a vehicle and throwing it across the air with a bunch of people in it, to go from place to place wasn't realistic, but the Wright Brothers did it. Being able to talk to someone across the world through a piece of plastic wasn't realistic, but Alexander Graham Bell made it reality when he invented the telephone." The plans I have for myself are far from realistic. I used to wish God had put something in my heart with a clearer plan like being a doctor or teacher. But this year, I just got fed up with trying to fit myself in a box. I will never be that person. And apparently, God has had enough of me settling too because he has lit a fire in my soul. Every day, every hour, I'm thinking about the steps I need to take to pursue my dreams. I sometimes have trouble sleeping at night because I can't stop thinking about His purpose for me. I fight the feelings of doubt "I'm too old. It's too late. I can't pursue my dreams now because I'm a mom (Hi Taraji Henson 👋. She was a single mom, packed up her and her son and went to California with nothing but a car full of clothes and a dream.) God didn't create me to clock in every day and work to keep someone else's dream going. Not saying there's anything wrong with having a job but we aren't meant to settle for that. Do what you have to do to make ends meet but don't become so comfortable that your only goal is to get through another week of work.

I've never really been the person to make New Years Resolutions but this year, I don't think God is leaving me a choice. The desire to be all I can be and be who I am supposed to be, has been placed in my heart. I tried to ignore it but it's too loud. It's going to be hard, I know. I may even lose some people along the way who don't believe in me. But the only person I need to believe in me, is me.

2017, you were my year of growing pains. I learned so much in a short amount of time. And I'm forever grateful. I'm leaving some things and people behind. But I'm ready for the next chapter.

2018, I'm ready.